Sunday, April 21, 2013

The slow road back again

It's kind of a never ending pattern. Get in shape, get derailed, get out of shape, get back in.
I'm slowing dragging myself back from the land of derailment.

I had to make some evaluations about my derby career and home life. Challenges that have been getting to me are parenting, family time, social time, hobbies. I love derby, I love how I feel when I am reffing. But it's takes time away from my family, and honestly, away from my down time.

Having young children in grade school is turning into a much bigger time commitment than I was expecting. I'm not prepared to just set my son loose in a school and not be there enough to know what is going on. I want to make sure I'm there to pick him up everyday, and go to every event.

I was the youngest of four children. That basically means I was lucky my parents still remembered my name. My mother went back to work when I started grade school and my father worked long hours. They had a hard time getting me to any school activities and relied heavily on my brothers making sure I made it to school and back. This is not a pattern I intend to repeat. So school and my kids is big focus.

Then there is the work thing. I work full time, night shift, on the weekends. My husband and I have pretty much agreed that having one of us with the kids and paying the bills is of primary importance. But this means I never see him except for a few hours here and there when he's home from work in the evening three or four days a week. He works long shifts so is often not home until 7 or 8pm. Adding in derby seems like just one thing too many.

It seems as though the obvious solution would be to quit derby and spend the little time I do have hanging on the home front. But this is the fallacy that so many of us fall into.

When I started derby it wasn't because I wanted one more "thing" to add on my plate. Sure I can stay home and keep my self busy and entertained with movies, crafts and cooking just fine. But what I was missing in my life was a social activity that kept me moving. Interaction, learning, physical movement. Those are the things that I don't have enough of in my life.

The people I work with are friends no doubt, and I've made friends through my son's school. But those are mostly obligatory interactions. I don't know how many of those would maintain my social life should I stop working or going to that school. Not because we're not truly friends, but once someone is out of your daily loop, it's hard to get together. People are busy and kids just make them busier.

I need to be a part of something voluntary, social, fun and challenging. So while the temptation to retire from derby is there amidst my full schedule, I know the most important thing I can do, more important that extra sleep or snuggle time with my man, is to get out there and live my life. So the slow crawl starts, going to practice, going to the roller rink, getting back into the gym, getting back to me and my life.

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