Week 24 Working through the pain

Tonight I went to do stats with Rat City. I've been in a fog the past few days over my league mate and I had some concerns about participating in derby today.

So I'm thinking it's something like any injury. You get hurt, you rest, you feel the pain. But if you do your therapy and get back to working hard again, you not only work through the pain, you're stronger for it.

I did my thing. I watched the actions for and against. I talked to my fellow stats people. I watched beautifully executed derby.

And it felt good. It felt good using my brain, being focused, being in the moment and doing what I do well.

I've had concerns about what practice will be like next week. We had a week off coincidentally after the accident. I think this was good. People need to freak out and break down. Sit with the reality of what's happening before they can go back to work and practice.

So next week when we get back to practice we will have rested. We will have felt the pain. And while the pain will still be there, we will probably cry, and we will feel empty and betraying by skating. We will feel better because we have begun the work to work through the pain.

Week 24 Support System

I'm not close to my family. I would never call them for comfort or need. I have friends from before derby but not many I really talk to.

When I joined derby part of it was to make friends. Have some social time. Get a new skill and get some good workouts.

I figured I would make friends and I figured I would have people to go and spend time with. What I didn't figure was that I would find a support system. People I could call and be with when I needed them.

Well last night that time came. My friend and league mate was hurt falling from a roof. She sustained brain injuries and now is in the ICU. She is one of those friends who while I feel is totally out of my league, she still would hang out with me at a moments notice.

Harry is just a good person, ready to be your friend and hang out. She's the kind of person you want to have in your life. She's good and funny and I'm pretty sure all of us love her.

But now she is hurt and the rest of us are hurting too.

We are not all super close. We are not all best friends. But we all hang out together. We have little groups that are close that are connected to the other little groups. We fight and annoy each other, but we manage to be a pretty powerful group of people that stick together.

Before derby I would not have had the support to deal with Harry's situation. I would have been on my own, feeling all the worse for it.

But now I have derby sisters. We don't all pinky swear, or share all our most intimate secrets. But we know when to pull together and be the support that each of us needs.

And right now I need that.

Week 24 This is what it's all about.

I finally reffed a bout. I have reffed a few scrimmages as outside pack ref, like 10 and a couple as inside pack ref. I've also NSO'd lots of scrimmages and bouts. But I had yet to do the final step of reffing a bout.

Well last night that all changed. I did it for real and it turned out good.

Basically this is the accumulation of all my hard work. Learning how to skate and learning how to call penalties.

While both require a lot more practice, I have officially gotten to the point where I am ok. Not good, not great, really just mediocre. This is just fine. I don't expect to be farther along than I am right now.

But I am pretty blown away that I made a plan, stuck to it and now here I am happily and safely within the arms of mediocrity.

Yeah ref!

Week 24 First Bout with TTRB

Today is our first bout. Officially, with our teams, our refs, our nso's.

I'm leaving from my house in 25 minutes and will be showing up to outside pack ref.
I am pretty nervous. Occasionally think I might cry. Trying not to feel like I want to throw up.

In about 3.5 hours it will be over and I will have survived. And I'll tell you all about it then.

Week 24 Back from vacation

I went on a vacation for a week and a half, and I'm not going to talk about it.
But it ate up a lot of time before and after.

Now I'm back in the swing, starting to work out again, starting to skate again. Two weeks off. Which is ok. Except that there is our first bout on Sunday.

I'm trying not to get nervous. I'm trying to not even think about it.
But I'm outside pack ref. Which means I have to skate fast. And I don't currently skate fast.

Basically I have a test coming up with 200 spectators and I'm hoping not to eat rink.

It'll be ok, right?

Week 21 Speed F-ing Demon!

Ok so that means speed demon on my standards, which means I was able to keep up with the pack and even stay ahead sometimes. But fuck yeah!!!!

So a couple of weeks ago Gary had us "loosen up" in practice which apparently means do the cha cha.

I don't actually do the cha cha all that well so I did the meringue. What I found was the quick shifting of weight from foot to foot made me go surprisingly faster.

I pondered this finding over a few days and today put my musings into action. I did the same shifty stepping and fucking cruised!

After an hour or so of practice I was running through the turns too. Hell yeah, I'm a fucking speed demon and I'm pretty proud of it.

Week 20 Derby wives and men

I had a baby 4 years ago. Then another one 2 years after that. I had a great job, but the pay was not enough to cover childcare when the second one came along. So I happily stayed home.

Staying home for some people can come natural, and I definitely settled into domestic bliss with little complaint. But the bits that are lost when you no longer maintain a constant relationship with the outside world can be disheartening.

I'm not a park mom. I don't take the kids in the stroller on walks. I don't go to the zoo and I'm not the kind of mom to get together with other moms and swap recipes. I drink coffee on the couch and watch cartoons.

This is totally fine with me. But by reducing my social life from work and family, to just family it changed my relationship with my husband. He became my adult world. The only one who really spoke english. He could help me with the kids and give me a break from the chaos. I went from somewhat independent and worldly to scared and shortsighted.

I longed for the moment he came home, I hung on his every word. When he wanted to go out at night to play poker I would be sad and obstinate. I hated that I was stuck at home and after only an hour or two of relief he would leave again. The weekends were the same, he would fish and again I would stay home, resentful of his life outside of home.

He was living a normal life while my horizons shrank smaller and smaller. This may sound kind of lame, but I don't think it's such an unusual story. The first year or two of childhood is very demanding. I had two kids so I had to sink into my small version of parenthood for three and half years.

Once my daughter turned 18 months things changed. I wasn't so exhausted. They didn't hang on me constantly, they didn't even notice me as much. My time, chained to the house, was over and my life was going to begin again.

Enter derby. Now I go out a few nights a week. Every other weekend or so I have social outings or games to go to. I have made friends with an unusual and surprisingly cool group of people. I have a normal life again. But my time locked away had done it's damage.

My husband had grown used to years of me hanging on his every word. He had been the center of my world and now my world had grown out away from him. Had I not stayed home for so long, or had continued normal social interactions during early parenthood, this may not have been a problem. But I didn't, that wasn't me. Now he has become the derby widow and derby has become my new wife.

The concept of the derby wife is all about supporting each other. Helping each other through the rough bits, being there. I have to wonder how many derby wives provide the support that you wish could come from your significant other. My husband wants to be supportive, and he tries. But it's hard to be completely OK with your wife's new mistress who consumes her thoughts and time, when you used to be number one.